chad
i love chad more then i have loved anybody. he was my world.
he was my world.
i have to let him go now. he wont forgive me for this and he will never want to date me again for falling out of love with him.
it just hurts so much. i want nothing more then for us to be great again but it wont happen.
i pray, i beg, i wish, i want for us to be normal together but he wont ever accept me back.
i hope one day he will and i hope one day he can give me what i am after.
now though, i need to move on i need to fall out of love with him and the only way i can do this is by hating me. the past 24 hours i have let hate into my life so i can be gone of these feelings. it is slowly working :(
i held the hate at bay for such a long time, he isnt a person i could ever hate. he is beautiful and kind and oh so loving. but this time i had to let hate into my life so i can move on from him.
if i cry over him anymore i am scared i will fall apart.
i am trying not to cry because its over, i am trying to smile that it happened to begin with.
i love you more then anyone on this planet chad, i tried to show that to you but maybe i was trying too hard. i hope you will let things continue with us in the future, there is nothing else i want more.
i just feel that for me to grow and mature, i need to do what i need to do.
i know it will work.
